the zombiegrrl

she knocked on the door and i answered. she told me she had a watch. i didn’t know why she wanted to tell me that, so i shrugged, and offered to let her clean my windows.

the zombiegrrl groaned, pushed her way past me, and let me know all about her watch, which was of vital importance to humankind.

she opened its face, revealing a compass, which always points west, a thermometer stuck on 17 degrees, a mirror, which she said is for signalling passing ufos, and a series of small buttons which are used to aid in the satellite positioning of, the codes for using, and the guide on how to obtain thermo-nuclear devices.

when she left, i took the watch, and proceeded to push all the buttons in random order until the alarm screamed rudely. that’s it, i thought, i’ve finally destroyed the world.

when nothing happened by the end of the week, i gave the stupid watch to hatboy, who offered to rewire it into a handy doorbell. we set it to play rock around the clock whenever anyone pressed it, and we took great delight in pressing it all day long.

needless to say, when xol came storming through our front door two days later, we were a little surprised to find that we’d been unwittingly ringing her mobile phone each time we used our new doorbell.

our ignorance of the watch’s function was probably the only thing keeping her from tearing out our intestines and turning them into a casserole with a side of brains.