davros burped. “well, that’s nothing!” he croaked. “this one time, i was, like, ten seconds from completely destroying the earth’s moon, thus rendering all their lunar-based technology completely useless. it would have been easy for my daleks to take over the earth from then.”
“the only thing easy about that plan, my dear daleky-type-person, are your bimbo daleks!”
davros scowled at the tall man wearing the glossy black face-mask. “i’ll thank you to be more respectful. it took an entire regiment of rebels, an all-knowing meddling timelord, and his tardis-full of rampant sidekicks to ruin my plan in the final ten seconds, but only a single peasantboy to ruin yours, mister vader.”
“but this boy had the force. and a laser sword. what did your timelord have? a pocket-knife?”
“a sonic screwdriver could hardly be considered a pocket-knife. it’s deadlier. and much more fun at parties.”
the clowny-looking guy sighed. “well, i think both of you have never had it bad. why, a few years ago, i had the timer clicking down. i had batman strapped to a great machine of doom, which would have killed him at exactly midnight, which was when my machine was set to destroy gotham city. then wouldn’t you believe it? we had a power outage! caused by one of my own minions dropping a spanner onto an overhead powerline, no less.”
“ah, joker. we know you got it bad. but that’s because you’re incompetent. my stormtroopers were better minions than yours. hell, even davros’ daleks were better minions than yours. at least they managed to kill some rebels, even if their noses are rather pointlessly created.”
the joker waved his arms about. “i resent that! it’s not my fault you can’t get decent minions in gotham.”
“minions. if we didn’t need them, we’d have taken over the world already. my daleks would be like momentos, then. i could put them on all the street corners to frighten naughty children.”
“amen to that. i could turn my stormtroopers into little nightlights.”
“i’d not worry about my daleks wearing bikinis.”
“what? your daleks wear bikinis?”
“yes. i caught a few of them at it the other week. what’s worse, is they’ve been auditioning at strip clubs.”
“well. i’d pay a few dollars to see that. hang on, are you talking about your bimbos, or the clunky wheely-bins?”
“the wheely bins. oh, the shame.”
“ouch. i feel for you, little man. i really do.”
“gee, thanks darth. at least someone understands.”
“i caught a few of mine wearing sexy black lingerie, too.”
“really? that makes me feel a lot better.”
“mine have never worn lingerie. damn.”
“shut up, joker, and get us another round of beers.”
“lite, or extra lite?”
“no, this is time for the hard stuff. bring on the shandies.”
“be right back then.” the joker hobbled away.
“hey, darth, did you hear about ming? i heard he got beaten up by a footballer.”
“you heard that too? poor ming. at least the people who ruin our mighty plans have some kind of force, or wacky transportation. ming, beaten by a mere mortal. how humiliating. no wonder he didn’t show up this year. hey, a wookiee told me that the guy who’s been killing pizza delivery drivers was supposed to make an entrance here this year.”
“really?” davros looked dreamily into his empty mug. “that’s so cool. y’know, i really dig his work.”
“me too. the force is strong with that one.”
“yadda yadda, force shmorce.”
“why don’t you train to be a jedi, davros? i’m sure i could teach you a trick or two.”
“really?”
“sure. the force can be fun, sometimes. here, watch this. when joker comes back, i’ll crush his windpipe for a bit. that’s always amusing. and, if you want, i’ll show you how to levitate barmaids’ skirts.”
“ooh! now there’s a talent i could use!”
“i thought you’d like it. now, shh, because here he comes with those beers...”
“the only thing easy about that plan, my dear daleky-type-person, are your bimbo daleks!”
davros scowled at the tall man wearing the glossy black face-mask. “i’ll thank you to be more respectful. it took an entire regiment of rebels, an all-knowing meddling timelord, and his tardis-full of rampant sidekicks to ruin my plan in the final ten seconds, but only a single peasantboy to ruin yours, mister vader.”
“but this boy had the force. and a laser sword. what did your timelord have? a pocket-knife?”
“a sonic screwdriver could hardly be considered a pocket-knife. it’s deadlier. and much more fun at parties.”
the clowny-looking guy sighed. “well, i think both of you have never had it bad. why, a few years ago, i had the timer clicking down. i had batman strapped to a great machine of doom, which would have killed him at exactly midnight, which was when my machine was set to destroy gotham city. then wouldn’t you believe it? we had a power outage! caused by one of my own minions dropping a spanner onto an overhead powerline, no less.”
“ah, joker. we know you got it bad. but that’s because you’re incompetent. my stormtroopers were better minions than yours. hell, even davros’ daleks were better minions than yours. at least they managed to kill some rebels, even if their noses are rather pointlessly created.”
the joker waved his arms about. “i resent that! it’s not my fault you can’t get decent minions in gotham.”
“minions. if we didn’t need them, we’d have taken over the world already. my daleks would be like momentos, then. i could put them on all the street corners to frighten naughty children.”
“amen to that. i could turn my stormtroopers into little nightlights.”
“i’d not worry about my daleks wearing bikinis.”
“what? your daleks wear bikinis?”
“yes. i caught a few of them at it the other week. what’s worse, is they’ve been auditioning at strip clubs.”
“well. i’d pay a few dollars to see that. hang on, are you talking about your bimbos, or the clunky wheely-bins?”
“the wheely bins. oh, the shame.”
“ouch. i feel for you, little man. i really do.”
“gee, thanks darth. at least someone understands.”
“i caught a few of mine wearing sexy black lingerie, too.”
“really? that makes me feel a lot better.”
“mine have never worn lingerie. damn.”
“shut up, joker, and get us another round of beers.”
“lite, or extra lite?”
“no, this is time for the hard stuff. bring on the shandies.”
“be right back then.” the joker hobbled away.
“hey, darth, did you hear about ming? i heard he got beaten up by a footballer.”
“you heard that too? poor ming. at least the people who ruin our mighty plans have some kind of force, or wacky transportation. ming, beaten by a mere mortal. how humiliating. no wonder he didn’t show up this year. hey, a wookiee told me that the guy who’s been killing pizza delivery drivers was supposed to make an entrance here this year.”
“really?” davros looked dreamily into his empty mug. “that’s so cool. y’know, i really dig his work.”
“me too. the force is strong with that one.”
“yadda yadda, force shmorce.”
“why don’t you train to be a jedi, davros? i’m sure i could teach you a trick or two.”
“really?”
“sure. the force can be fun, sometimes. here, watch this. when joker comes back, i’ll crush his windpipe for a bit. that’s always amusing. and, if you want, i’ll show you how to levitate barmaids’ skirts.”
“ooh! now there’s a talent i could use!”
“i thought you’d like it. now, shh, because here he comes with those beers...”
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