the borg have a plan 3: the planet is dull

the planet is a dull brown. the people are fairly non-resistant. they are easily assimilated. seven says they were putting up more of a struggle last time they were here. she says that, once, one of them poked her in the face with a stick.

we are shocked by the rudeness of random stick-poking. seven says that’s why she’s assimilating them. to teach them some manners.

the only real problem we encounter is a giant lizard with fourteen legs and jaws so large it swallows borg whole. seven of nine considers the predicament for a few seconds, then orders the borg to locate angus of borg. one of the other drones shudders. “not angus of borg,” it says. “are we sure?”

“we are borg,” seven says.

the drone complies.

angus of borg is about four feet high, and wears a kilt. he has bright red hair. he grips a gnarled pipe between his yellow teeth. his eye implant is spooky. his sporran has little red lights zipping back and forth like those on that black car from knight rider.

hatboy grins. “see?” he says. “even the borg know kilts are a sign of manliness.”

angus of borg foams at the mouth. he steps toward the lizard, which growls. it is the kind of growl which sends mere mortals running for their feeble lives. but angus, he’s a borg drone, and borg drones don’t run. they walk.

so angus of borg walks forward, both arms extended, fingers curled into claws, and screaming his battlecry; “ah, ye dahrty greet jessie!”

his implant-filled fists smash into the astounded lizard’s skin, sending billions of nonoprobes into its bloodstream. “big fist! angus smash!” yells the pint-sized drone.
nonplused, the lizard reaches down and sniffs the berserk little drone. angus of borg glares up at the massive jaws and teleports into the beastie’s red mouth. little fists flail about from inside the chewing jaws, and the sound of the snarling borg inflicting many nanoprobe-infected wounds, whilst being well-crunched, fills the night. bits of borg fall onto the ground at our feet.

twelve of fifteen collects stuff to light a bonfire with. hatboy settles down to watch the show.

seven of nine begins taking bets.


(this episode dedicated to afrj's infamous angus mcsmashie, whose smorghish parrots will not be forgotten...)