there’s evil, and then there’s evil.
the alchemists, they knew plenty about evil. for example, they knew that if you mixed all sorts of stuff into a bowl and set it alight, it did something evil to its surrounding area. usually it turned other stuff into bits.
the alchemists looked for stones, and even made a few here and there.
they tried making gold, too, but mostly all they managed to do was give themselves an early death through inhalation of wacky poisons.
however, modern alchemists know that the philosopher’s tincture is freely available for fifty cents a roll at any local convenience store. sure, it’s in disguise, but it’s the same stuff alchemists have been mixing up for centuries.
it’s also gone one better in that it’s strawberry flavoured.
unfortunately, the addition of this sweet flavouring has the dastardly side effect of making the stuff extremely addictive.
and that’s why, tonight, i am bouncing up and down like some kind of mercury-overdosed alchemist as i unwrap roll after roll of that delicious strawberry sundae life savers goodness.
the alchemists, they knew plenty about evil. for example, they knew that if you mixed all sorts of stuff into a bowl and set it alight, it did something evil to its surrounding area. usually it turned other stuff into bits.
the alchemists looked for stones, and even made a few here and there.
they tried making gold, too, but mostly all they managed to do was give themselves an early death through inhalation of wacky poisons.
however, modern alchemists know that the philosopher’s tincture is freely available for fifty cents a roll at any local convenience store. sure, it’s in disguise, but it’s the same stuff alchemists have been mixing up for centuries.
it’s also gone one better in that it’s strawberry flavoured.
unfortunately, the addition of this sweet flavouring has the dastardly side effect of making the stuff extremely addictive.
and that’s why, tonight, i am bouncing up and down like some kind of mercury-overdosed alchemist as i unwrap roll after roll of that delicious strawberry sundae life savers goodness.
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